The Tree II: For Jica
by Esodane-Bottomless
Summary: Well... it has no relation with Card Captor Sakura, but I tell you, this is a mustread... Haha... well, hopefully, at least. Anyway, it's based from my toehr oneshotSxS 'The Tree'.


Esodane

The Tree II: For Jica…

This is rather a personal work, however was inspired from 'The Tree', which was one of my works, and of course, that special someone I ought to be with this moment… Oh well… hope ya like it…. Even if it has no relation with any anime. Hehe… It's a lot serious than the original though… however, sorry to say there's no lemon… of course there's no lemon, all of the characters here are real. I am the writer, the writer is the narrator, and the narrator is Adrian… so I am Adrian…

I have to thank Roshni, Michelle, and everyone who are related with the story-making, thank you very much.

_For Jica… although it may not be perfect, hope it's good enough for someone perfect like you are… Haha… Okay, enough of my blabbering. Hope you like it! _

Ye tree is old

Its branches soft and crippled

And's bark ancient and frail

I whimper and simmer my angry gales

How wonderful was it years 'go

When I was still under it,

Utter joy under its shade…

When t'was the time it grew bushes and flow'rs

And made my lone lover blissful

It was sunny and hot, unbelievably hot since even if I was inside a Benz driving, the air-con in maximum, it was as if it didn't matter, for heat was crawling inside. Maybe my good friend, Louie's car was just really old the car's air-con just gone broke. Oh well… I can't help the situation. I'm not living here anyways… I'm not living here _now_. The road was rather plain after I passed the residential area of Good Michelle. Farms commonly were at my left and right, and occasionally, a car passed by. It was then I spotted a large billboard of an exaggerated close-up picture of Mayor Michelle Duguil in her jaunty grin, and then at the bottom-right corner was a caption **_"Michelle sounds Good… Good Michelle sounds Better"_**. It was very amusing to see her face and name almost everywhere. I daresay if you wouldn't see her face within twenty minutes, it was enough proof to conclude you are blind. She seemed so young to be mayor though. She was, if I could remember, twenty-five years old six years ago. I was mildly taken back when Michelle Duguil earned title as Mayor last year. Good Michelle, how could I forget this place? My hometown where I grew when I was still a juvenile. How sad I had to leave this place, and go to Europe to study and live there, so said my mother, who said she only wished for my happiness— And then she passed away, and it seemed all her wishes for my happiness was gone, and it looked like my achievements in Europe were immediately burned down to powder and I asked myself obeying her was really the right thing to do…? I decided to come back here, maybe just this once…

I had loved this place so much… so much, more I could handle, and all of the people who lived on Good Michelle, whether I knew them or they were perfect strangers to me. And so yesterday, I had stepped on this town again after five years, and so old friend Louie met me up when I was already in arrival, waiting just a couple of meters away from the entrance of the door, standing beside this Benz of his. Well, he looked good with this Benz. They're both old and moldy anyways. I smirked at myself. Old friend Louie's face, I remembered yesterday, didn't seem too happy to see me. Yes, yes, he smiled at me and greeted me… But he had lines on his weathered face, and just looking intently to his eyes, it was so much a fact that there was something he was sad about. 

When I asked what was wrong, he just shook his head about and looked away, and then I recalled again this morning when I was about to get going and have a round trip here at Good Michelle, he just mumbled something while he was cooking some pancakes for himself, "Go find Alec if you want to know what's wrong of you coming back," he said to me back then,

"What is wrong of me coming back?" I repeated quizzically, thinking of what he meant by that… However wasn't enough to make me stop looking and laughing at this week's issue _Mayor Michelle Mondays_, a weekly local magazine all about the mayor herself,who had this considerably silly picture of Mayor Michelle delectably eating Graham crackers as a Graham-cracker advertisement on the cover page. What was she really: A mayor or a rising-star model? Old friend Louie's voice resounded in my brain to interrupt me from my entertainment. What was wrong of me coming back, he said with a plain smile. Old friend Louie was talking in riddles again, but he was always like that. He never changed… but yesterday and this morning… he never laughed, and I thought that was quite strange, I guess— And Alec… another friend… Come to think of it, what happened to him after many years of me away from here? He was energetic and younger like everyone else back then— and I wonder, how life's for him nowadays…

"Yes—" Old friend Louie continued, and then he sighed, "But frankly, it might hurt you, Adrian." He sighed, "If something happened to you, you must very well accept it, whatever it is, my friend." And then he resumed cooking his pancakes again… his voice suddenly higher… But I just shrugged and then returned in reading _Mayor Michelle Mondays_. After fifteen minutes, Old friend Louie and I ate the waffled pancakes, which were unusually delicious.

"I'll just borrow your Benz for a while," I said and stood up. Old friend Louie looked at me outrageously, and then I added. "Well, who said I should pay Alec a visit?" I quickly ran outside the house and 'stole' Old friend Louie's Benz quickly so that I can avoid Old friend Louie's nagging and for a moment I was thinking how he meant by what was wrong of me coming back… But the mere glance of the azure sky seized my inside-questions, and then as if the rural beauty of Good Michelle killed my questions.

Anyway, I drove Old friend Louie's Benz to find Alec as Old friend Louie requested me to do so. Instinctively, I went to where he alone lived before… Number 21, Delgado District, Ajoire Street, I could remember clearly. I and Old friend Louie used to go there to study with Alec… a bum when it comes to exams, although Old friend Louie and me find it silly he gets inferior, down-to-hell test grades even if his scores soar high whenever we give him our self-made tests. The twist was, it seemed our tests were a lot harder than of the actual tests were.

To my surprise, his house was still there, yet the wall-paint urgently needed loads of repainting, as also the windows need some cleaning, Alec must've been very stoical to leave his house like this. When I rang the doorbell situated beside the gate, it rang… but nobody answered— I had kept doing so for five minutes, and then I finally recognized the deduction maybe Alec wasn't here after all… Wow. I didn't know I was this stubborn. With a sigh I went back to Old friend Louie's Benz, and then thought of what should I do next… it lead me to a fruitless nothing. It ended with the decision I'll just drive along Good Michelle like a tourist, and maybe in my little travel I'll find Alec walking home, carrying groceries or maybe even walking a dog he bought while I was at the other side of the world.

So now, here I am… driving Old friend Louie's Benz feeling uncomfortable because of its lack of decent air-conditioning, sighing heavily because of boredom. I didn't know where to go next, honestly. I slumped my chin on my left hand lazed on the open window. There was no air-con so why suffer inside Old friend Louie's Benz in closed windows?

I turned on the radio restlessly. Just not to completely exasperate my already exasperated mood. They were airing that song again— Heaven Knows (This Angel has Flown) by Orange and Lemons— as far as I could remember… '_Cause this angel has flown away from me, leaving me in drunken misery_—The singer's voice was drowsing, but it seemed nothing, as if the singing evaporated when I soon caught a scene accidentally— _I should have clipped her wings and made her mine, for all eternity… now this angel has flown away from me, thought I had the strength to set her free, did what I did because I loved her so… will she ever find her way back home to me_— A scene more than just the ordinary… A nagging feeling then crawled up to me, and for the reason I did not know. It was a little knoll just beside a lake that covered one-fourth of Good Michelle… The nearer I got, near enough, I saw it already vivid and clear— The knoll was nothing but a deserted place where just looking at it, it was as if you were wasting you time just glancing at it. The soil was as parch as parchment, and it looked unhealthy which was rather surprising since all of Good Michelle's soil was fat— it was almost as if it rained in Good Michelle however bizarrely missing the area of that knoll. On the knoll's crown then stood an ominous-looking dead tree whose shadow ruled a partial area of the ground. And while I was driving then, a boulder was laid at the bottom of the dead tree's trunk. _Now my lips… are burning, and my eyes… are hurt_— I turned off the radio immediately. I had heard enough… and I couldn't take anymore hearing sad songs playing on the radio, as I saw the tree there already dead.

I was shocked, "For heaven's sake!" I mumbled to myself since I didn't even knew why I was shocked… or maybe I'll even add the word upset, since before I knew it, I already parked Old friend Louie's Benz recklessly on the roadway, careless of what would happen if Old friend Louie's Benz will get literally smashed on the roadway. I didn't even heed what would Old friend Louie's outraged face would be if something tragic happened to his precious Benz. But never did I care nor matter. From my point of view, though ridiculous, stupid, silly, or whatever synonym, to that it may sound, the dead tree was more important at the moment.

Sprinting, I couldn't believe I didn't get tired climbing up the small knoll. It was then that the boulder seemed to be much more foreboding than the tree… a lot littler than the tree. If I would describe it, it would be a faded-olive green colored stone slab with a height of a common coffee table. The area got a little more foreboding when I was near enough the crown, as if the atmosphere instantly turned sinister suddenly, contrary to the hospital ambiance of Good Michelle as a whole.

When I reached the crown of the knoll, I took several breaths to relieve myself, but those breaths were the only one to relieve. I looked at the surroundings then. Tiny houses scattered around the knoll, and then there was the lake at my right side, clean water sparkling splendidly, and all of them taken cared of by the sky, though I was surprised to see there were clouds already, some of them looked heavy— but still… There was no denying the surroundings were majestic… Yet, the knoll itself spoiled Good Michelle's majesty, I could see now. On my way here, the soil was dry, lifeless, I might add too. However, the crown of the hill was even more parched… dryer and more arid was the soil that desperately supported the dead tree. Weak and fragile, it seemed. Its barren branches absolutely naked for there were no leaves to decorate them. The trunk was aged, there were shallow scars fixed on the bark making them look like old wrinkles, and the smell of the tree had a horribly musty, little scent— It was true I would have left earlier, descend and rush to Old friend Louie's Benz and look for Alec again… but I couldn't run off somehow… there was something here hollering my name… Though it was only silent, no sound produced— For a moment it was bothering me… but soon enough, the once-disturbing (maybe even imaginary) noise was acceptable now…

And then my eyes went to the stone just beside the dead tree. I stared at it for a while— it was the object that made this area sinister, I believed— It was just a medium-sized boulder… if I could tell its height, it would be the size of a standard-sized television. It was colored bleached-jade, and its surface was smoothly formed, it was almost as if it was artificial. I noticed there was an engraving chiseled on the stone, hidden by the tree's shadow. Yet, in a mere coincidence I moved in a fashion I was also in direction to the shadow, from the looks of the carving it looked like a name. I had to squat, and mutter the words, "Jessi—" A distant bullet came crashing to my memory then. I could hear the terrified tumbles of my heartbeats; each time making my potency to stumble grew stronger… _Jessica_… The name appeared to repeat— and repeat— and repeat— _Jessica_… My eyes grew large, and an awfully strong breeze blew my hair, and scrambled it with the dry dust on the ground. _Jessica_… It was she. I could feel her again… I struck on the stone again, my hands trembling, ending up grabbing the stone itself…

**Jessica G. Lapena**

**27 Years Old**

**Died February 14, 2004**

**1977-2004**

**+ May You Rest in Peace +**

"No…" I whispered to myself… _2004— that was two years ago— _I shook my head and turned away from the stone. I backed away from the stone also… as if the mere touch of it will mean your sordid death gone miserable. "How… could that be…" I voiced… much louder. I moved faster away from it. Imagining the sheer gravestone would spring into life and then chase me. But it didn't. It just lay stationary there, motionless… immobile. Eventually, as I staggered backward, ridiculously trying to get away from the slab of stone, I hit the trunk of the tree. From its fragility, it severely shook, and some of the branches fell because of the force. Two or three twigs hit me, and forced myself to look up in a mild sense of alarm. The tree was looking back at me… like it suddenly made eyes for his own— This tree… Jessica's gravestone— a creeping scared plight went into me as I inferred Jessica's body under this dry soil. How come this soil is not fertile then? The question slipped away in matters… This knoll then is—? I gasped loud… and then soon enough, I couldn't control my reminisces, the memory I had found deep and almost ready to rot in my mind— With tension I closed my eyes… for a fleeting second, I hesitated, and opened my eyes, but I closed them again… breathing deeply… and soon, it was as if the abysmal darkness swirled to something colorful— I could see myself, and a woman… on the same knoll, however, the grass a luxurious green, and the tree healthy and firm, its bark a bright brown, and its leaves rough-looking and ferny— It was so much alike… The only difference was that the scene I saw now was alive compared from the knoll I was at minutes ago— And then… they began to speak…

"_Jessica…!" I shouted to her, annoyed and happy blended together… trying to remove the strands of her hair almost like glued to my lips. Both of us sat on a thin carpet Jessica owned, for the purpose we wouldn't be dirtying ourselves, our backs against the great, strong tree giving us comfortable shade… her head laid on my shoulder. It seemed as if her head was too light… The breeze gave us again a hard blow, and her dreadfully long hair flung to every direction possible and so heaps of hair flung to my lips again. _

_I looked at her. Her face painted with a smirk revealing perfect, white teeth, and then her eyes a translucent green. Her nose was distinct it was as if chiseled by a master sculptor. "What—?" she said, her voice vivacious and lively that whenever I heard her speak, everything just lifts up to a make-believe heaven… _

"_Can you like—" I was trying to find words, "—make your hair not go that wild?" I said, sputtering the hair our again of my mouth… _

_She laughed then, and gave that mean grin she showed me a while ago. Even with my complaint, she even flipped her hair to make her hair all the more go wilder… "Hmmm?" she sounded surprised, "I thought you liked my hair like this?" _

_I raised my eyebrows, "Well— it's much more better if what would be wild against my face is not your hair, but your lips, Jessica." I automatically said, unbelieving I just said that in front of her,_

_Jessica seemed to blush and blurted, "Well, th—"_

_I sneered then, as I meant this joke… Saying it in a manner it was so casual, "All the same, I think your hair could equal to your lips…" Holy cow— was that just the weirdest line I even spontaneously thought of…_

"_Whatever…" Jessica giggled to my reply, "Stop being that sweet or else craving ants might eat you alive." She sneered back, and then for a moment we were in silence sneering at each other. Her eyes seemed to squint, her cheekbones high, and dimples sunken… When she sneered it was as if her face twisted in a fashion she turned out cuter… That is, if anyone knew what that meant— "This tree…" I heard her start again, realizing she was now looking up to the shading tree above us…_

_I followed where her eyes went, and realized how pretty leaves were if matched with the sunlight, "Yeah?"_

"_Do you remember— when we were little kids, you and I, and sometimes even Michelle, Louie, and Alec climb up there?" She asked me, her focus concentrated on the tree, which was an advantage to me since when she was not looking… I could just simply stop looking up there and turn my head to her and stare at her the whole time she was distracted—_

_I looked away again and returned my sight to the tree, "Yep… I remember it now." I heard her chuckle, "Why?" I asked her curiously,_

"_Ahahaha…" She gave a smile, "Oh nothing— it kinda reminds me— When we were up there, and then suddenly Michelle accidentally spanked me in the back and then—"_

"_Don't forget the squeal, Jessica." I reminded her. That squeal was the only vivid thing I could remember clearly… the very fact that squeal was the first and last weird sound she had ever made that I heard in my whole life. It was amusing I never heard that squeal again after that day…_

"_Oh shut up!" she retorted embarrassed (I grinned back, mind you) "And then it was a good thing I grabbed one, thick branch there with one hand…"_

_I could sense she only said that to make me forget again the squeal (as if I could forget it) "…but then eventually the branch broke because you were obese—" _

_Jessica gave me a deadly look, but I wasn't frightened, jeez, she looked comic rather… "You can't say fat toddlers are obese, Adrian."_

"_Okay, fine…" I coughed, "But then eventually, the branch broke because you were **fat** and then I—" Hang on… Come to think of it, what did I do?_

"_Haha! You jumped to catch me, which was rather useless since I was already on the ground they're crying over a little scrape on the knee…"_

_I heard her say **useless** and I was already childishly sticking out my tongue, "The point is, at least I still threw myself to save you, Jessica."_

"_I see." She said teasingly, having that I-think-that-is-not-just-the-point look. "You are trying to be a hero?" she asked me, a fake-bewildered voice, and under it she was producing a strange 'tsssss' sound._

"_As a matter of fact, yes, I am."_

"_No, you are not."_

"_Yes, I am." I replied._

_She simpered madly, "No, you are not."_

"_What do you mean by that, then."_

"_Well— duh! You say 'no' if you refuse a statement in the English language Adrian." Said Jessica, smiling… and then she stood up quickly, recognizing how beautiful she looked in flowing, white, cashmere dresses… And then she looked at me… "I have to go now— Adrian," she said, fixing her hair. She lively waved goodbye to me, and then she started to go down the little hill. _

_But before she could depart from the top of the knoll, I followed her in a rush, and then I wrapped her with my arms and kissed her in the cheek… "Jessica, take care." I pushed my whisper to her right ear, and then it was as if her ear beamed at me… "I love you…"_

_I saw her mouth open wide—_

But I did not hear any sound at all… Her mouth moved but no voice came out. It felt as if you were watching a dub without the substitution voices… And then when she closed my mouth, everything seemed to literally dissolve and melt to darkness… It turned out I was daydreaming, as I realized I could see nothing but black because my eyes were shut. I opened them once again, and the sunny daylight appeared to blind me. I was in my original position before Jessica's grave, if I could remember. My eyes were stapled on it… Jessica…? DEAD? I shook my head a few times just to partially clear my mind… But— how did she die? It was solving a poet's riddle not even a genius and his logic could answer… I sighed. If only I knew then. I saw a bouquet of wilted daisies behind the grave I didn't notice before. Maybe they were old? I could not tell…and then there were candles in ceramic cups laid—

"A— Adrian?" A voice said. It was familiar, deadly familiar. Yet, I can say the voice was hoarse now than six years ago— I faced him dumbfounded. You would not expect to hear your name in a Calvary-like place, don't you? I faced a man who wore an easy tee, and bleached jeans, two-inches taller than me, if I was given the chance to estimate. His hair was in disarray, a wide count of bangs partly covering his face. And his built was rigid and strong, like of a lumberman. And I believe from six years ago there was only one who had that kind of body. Alec. "Adri—drian?" the man repeated again, much more confused than his first, but there was a 'tail' in his tone of voice, nevertheless, I ignored it anyways…

He stayed there, utterly surprised with that mix of something I don't know. I ran to him to greet him… And then Louie's advise resounded inside my head. _"Go find Alec if you want to know what's wrong of you coming back," _That's what he said. But it seemed to me I've thrown the warning-like saying, and I spoke again, "I just got here yesterday, you see. This morning I came to your house, Ajoire Street, right? But you weren't there. Louie said I should find you, prio—"

Before I knew it I was thrown back to the tree by a force I really didn't expect. Once again, it terribly shook, barely surviving from its demise. Another set of twigs and branches fell and hit my head hard, and my back got an ache when it collided with the tree, so did my abdomen, that seemed to hurt whenever I breathed after the hit— It seemed to be I was punched in my stomach by— Alec?

I faced him. His face twisted with some kind of expression I could not distinguish, not even one little bit of his face I couldn't interpret. He stood to where I was positioned earlier, just before Jessica's grave, before I ran to him, and then he suddenly fisted me… My stomach was really hurting; I could not even stand up. Alec's eyes that were of a color of soot were cold and misty. His lips tightly pressed it looked incredibly thin. I should have grinned, but I could not… Not after what he done to me "Adrian—" he clenched his fists again, "—how could you…" he tried to keep his tone low and clam, it was obvious… But I saw from his quivering throat he would've preferred screaming at me…

"How could I what? Alec, I don't even know wha—"

"DAMN YOU ADRIAN… TO HELL WITH YOU AND YOUR ESCAPES!" he finally shouted, cutting me off, his eyes trembling horribly, as if it was twitching. "THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH STUPID FUCKSHIT LIKE YOU. YOU DON'T EVEN THINK!"

I could not understand him, and I rubbed my cheek, and stood up, running to him thinking this was all a mistake, "Al—"

"SHUT UP!" Alec said, and then he grabbed my shirt and brought me up with his arm. "YOU— HOW COULD YOU, ADRIAN… I THOUGHT YOU WERE—"

"Alec—" I tried to say his name, but every time I did so, its either he punched me on the face or strangle me by taking hold of my clothes… I could not even understand what he was saying, "Alec… would you please stop this?" But he didn't… he just stared at me with unnaturally cold eyes I've never seen before, "ALEC!" I finally shouted with a match to his. And thank god he realized he was making no sense, as he lowered me finally down to the ground, standing. He breathed heavily, as if breathing was a great deal of pain. "Just calm down—"

"How could I calm down when you are here right in front of my face!" he quickly butted, and then he pushed me, and he turned away after… as if there was an ugliness humans could not accept gummed in my being.

"Then tell me what is wrong, Alec…" I replied, "What happened?"

"Jessica—" his next words were muffled then, "Jessica's dead…"

"But I know that!" I said, pointing my finger at the slab of stone with Jessica's name on it. Alec was just repeating what I just discovered, what for with his punches? What was the use—?

"She was my wife…" Alec whispered then, yet, it disturbed me still… Alec? Jessica's husband…

"Your… wife?" I repeated, and then he just closed his eyes and nodded… "Alec—"

"She was—" Alec said in a promising trying-hard-to-be-calm tone of voice, "Do you remember when you left, Adrian?" Alec asked me, and then I nodded again silently… Jessica didn't come to attend his departure— "She was broken-hearted, Adrian… How could you leave her like that?"

I looked at him in refusal to what Alec said… _How could I leave Jessica?_ "I didn't leave Jessica… I was just— I—" I could not say anything more… I shook my head in disbelief…

And to my horror, he didn't look surprised, "Jessica liked— No… Jessica loved you, Adrian…HOW COULD YOU BE SO BLIND? I thought you loved Jessica as well… but when you left, it showed you didn't after—"

"I did! I love her, Alec…"

"Then why did you leave?" He countered, a voice much higher… I wanted to say because of mother— she really was the reason— But she was dead… I only realized I really didn't want living in Europe… Although I wanted to excuse, I simply could not do so…

"…When you were finally away, she did not resolve, Adrian... You know what? She stayed in the dark side for so long Jessica completely changed. Once she was jumpy, the next minute you left she would not go outside of her house or even go to school… And it's all because of you— Adrian." He said, emphasizing on my name sarcastically… "I tried to be with her all the time when you were not around already, Adrian… We spent years together, believe me— We even got married the second year you were away. Yet maybe it was only one, big, fat lie, those times…" Alec sighed, and faced me again, tightening his lips again, "Jessica's dead, you know that… But do you know how?" His voice was trembling… and so did the ground shook like a madman would. "She stabbed herself."

_SUICIDE! _ "My—"

"Jessica stabbed herself… All because of remembering your birthday, Adrian…" he murmured to me cruelly… "That's it… That's the cause of why her name is etched on that gravestone beside us."

"I— Jess—"

Alec shook his head again… "I tried, Adrian— But she could not seem to forget you." He said quietly… and then sighed, "Adrian… remember, I'll never forgive you… and I thought you were true… I guess I was wrong—"

I was speechless… totally speechless… as if I was mute still with a mouth… or maybe my tongue was just cut, or maybe I just ran out of saliva… But— that's just impossible. I saw him turn his back to me, lone and swift, as another breeze blew, and dust flew. The sunlight was piercing, how ironic is it compared to the sunlight this morning, comforting and gentle. I didn't say goodbye, nor shout anything to him… He was mad… way mad…I could see it immediately. I AM SO STUPID. The voice echoed, together with Louie's warnings and Jessica's _I love you_'s. My eyes remained to the large, departing figure of Alec, and then, to my surprise, he suddenly stopped walking, and he faced to me again, "Adrian!" Alec called my name… And then he dug his right hand in his pocket. I took a glimpse at what he grabbed… But it was only black… that's the only adjective I could give, it was so far away… "Adrian!" he called my name again, and then he took a ball pen, and wrote something in the front page… Alec took one, good, long, stare at me again, and out of the blue, he threw me the black thing… a throw incredibly strong and accurate it landed to my arms safe and sound.

It was a notebook. The thing Alec threw to me was a thick notebook, and in golden letters _Jessica_ was embedded on the leather-bound surface of the notebook. It was obviously old, as it looked dusty and very frail, its pages nearly getting detached from the spine. The notebook, though old, looked strikingly interesting. However, when I came to face Alec again, he was not there…

With a sigh, I came back to the notebook curiously… and hauntingly too… With a heavy pant of breath, I opened the front page, to find very good calligraphy of Jessica's name nicely scripted on the page, and there in the upper-left hand corner was the text Alec wrote a few minutes ago in very rushed an crooked script, it must be because his hands were shaking too… _Adrian_,it said,_ I found Jessica's diary above her bed before I discovered she was dead in our garden… She says in the next page I have to give this to you… I never found out despite you abandoned her, she never stopped thinking about you, or when you will come back home, Adrian… She loves you… she really does… Read it yourself…_

I read Alec's head note slowly, and then I followed his command… and then I almost dropped the notebook… In the opposite page I found our picture… the picture we took once under this tree again— We were so happy back then… How come it changed? How come?

_Wednesday, Twenty-third of April, 2002_

_I loved Adrian all my life… from the very first time I saw him, it was only love that visited me through his eyes… Sweet… terribly sweet. I guess accidents always happen all the time, there was one time I feel because of slippery floors, and there was only one time I fell because I missed a step while climbing the stairs… But the greatest accident I ever had… was falling for him…_

I read another again…

_Sunday, Twenty-ninth of April, 2002_

_So much… how I feel love for him… Whenever he smiles, whenever he just looks at me or when he laughs or when he gets angry… I feel something strange…. Something bizarre… Yet, even if my heart is already full of these emotions… It was as if every one of them drains out of my brain… I could not say them in front of him… How cruel… Still, how lovely this infatuation for Adrian takes…_

I sighed… my hands trembling again… Her script careful and precious… Even her penmanship was superb…everything about her was superb… I paused and looked for a while with her posts, feeling my sweat clinging on the leather already… I decided to read her posts in the end now… The pages were ironically scorn and almost nearly torn, and the papers had a brownish blot in the sides… and then I realized the blots were made from her blood…

_Friday, Fourteenth of February, 2004_

_This is it… So much pain… I could not take it… The fourth year I endured Valentines and Adrian's Birthday… It was just too much. Why is he still away from Good Michelle… from me? Why has it ended like this? The man I wanted went away… I married the man I believed he was not for me… And now here I am… finishing my last entry… I will finally lay the pen and this journal on my bed for Alec and Adrian to read… I am sorry, but I want to end this once and for all. The only thing I could willingly do now is to die… Alec… I am sorry, for putting you into trouble… I really am. When you tried to replace Adrian even if you know very well you're not him. Thank you…_

_And for Adrian… if you read this… I— I love you still… Even if I am dead… I'll love you forever… Let me be in hell or in heaven… Wherever, whenever… Adrian, my heart belongs only to you…_

_So long, and farewell…_

I finished reading, and then I could sense my tears already climbing down my face. I was so foolish and stupid. Why did I leave this place? Why? Those days I and Jessica, and even the friends I used to have here spent together… Where are all of those? It was my fault Jessica died… All because of my rash decisions… I wiped my face clean again… The sun was too bright. It suddenly grew hotter, as if even the sun grew angry with me... In fact maybe everyone is angry with me… Angry for leaving them… Angry because they feel unloved or unimportant… I couldn't bear going back to Old friend Louie's place… I couldn't bare thinking that I am in Good Michelle right now, above Jessica's grave on the top of a knoll… What was the point of all these? Going back here, and feeling home… How ironic is that now I feel Good Michelle hates me… Alec hates me… Old friend Louie hates me… Jessica hates me— It was all so sudden… how come they didn't inform me? Or maybe they just don't want me to know… because maybe I'm not their friend now and they don't care a single thing about me…

My eyes were hurting, and so was my chest… With a single visit… life changes then again… it accelerates— And now there is an urge, an urge to say sorry and speak words of love to Jessica… yet I knew it was too late… if I spoke, I'll only address it to her ashes, and her dried-up bones… How cruel life can be…

I looked again at Jessica's diary for a minute or two, and then I sealed it with a kiss, pocketing it… After that I watched the rustling of the twigs of the dead tree, and under it was Jessica's gravestone… I looked at it, again shocked, and I walked to it again, and kissed it goodbye because maybe this will be the first and last time I'll be seeing this place like this… dead and arid.

**The End**

Author Note – Yeah… is it okay? Hehe… I'm such a nervous wreck y'all wouldn't like it… well… if you think its okay, well, yaaay! If you think it's bad… oh well… I'll just write better next time. ) I really get a lot of inspiration nowadays. Anyway, buh-bye…


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